The gift of being asked a question ...

How do you feel about someone asking you a question … or offering you a suggestion?

I love open and transparent discussion … If someone asks me "why do you do it that way?" and offers a suggestion or a different idea to me , I love it. As young children we have this wonderful curiosity… somewhere along the way some people lose it …

This curiosity from others leads to learning, mine or someone else's. Someone asking me a question shows they are caring enough to understand me better, they want to understand my work better and whether young or old , 5 or 50 …there is so much to learn from each other’s experiences.

Curiosity has cropped up time and again for me this year... for life long learning and for a long life! Are you a curious Koi?

I ask questions ... I ask them all the time;

Why do we do something a certain way?

Why does someone else?

Is there a better way?... art, reading, music, dog shows...

I never want to lose this curiosity.

I've also always encouraged people to question what I do and to question themselves... Its so intrinsic to learning and improving. I invite people to ask questions; not because I have all the answers, but because I don't. Every question I get asked teaches me something; about my work, about how I communicate, and sometimes about myself.  

Last year a young boys curiosity earned him his very first original art work. He had so many lovely and polite questions. I really didn't want to paint frogs, but he suggested them for me and explained to me why he thought I really should paint them... so I did ! Imagine if I had shut him down.

This summer I saw him again... he talked to me about foxes! ... and yes I painted him one.

The healthiest relationships, in business, in friendships, family and especially in leadership, are the ones where questions and discussions are welcome. They are a place where if you say "I don't understand this" or  “here’s my idea …would this be better? …” it is met with patience, consideration, discussion and not punishment or someone being defensive. A healthy relationship should have no recasting of the person as being unkind, just for asking questions and offering suggestions.

It's a strange thing, when you can be re-cast so completely for wanting to question and discuss, but it happens.  However, this thought has reaffirmed something important to me: In my own work, I actively welcome questions and challenges to how I do things. Not because I have nothing to explain, but because that's how I learn and improve. A suggestion offered in good faith should be met with dialogue.

So here's how I try to respond when someone asks me something tricky:

→ I get curious, not defensive

→ I remember a question isn't a judgement

→ I say "great question" and mean it

→ I see it as a chance to explain and discuss, not defend.

Are you a learning Lemur? (I make no apologies for the play on words!)

People and especially leaders in business can hold boundaries. But real boundaries are communicated clearly, applied consistently, and don't require rewriting someone's character to justify them.

I'd love to see more of this — in leadership, in business communities, in everyday conversations. Spaces where questions are welcomed tend to be spaces where people grow. Spaces where questions are punished tend to be spaces people quietly leave.

So, consider this an open door: ask me anything. I'll always choose an honest answer over a defensive one. Lets learn together... any question about my art, my background, teaching, tea ….or a better way of doing something that I do — I want to hear it and you'll be giving me a gift!

If you enjoyed reading this and it gave you food for thought, I recommend reading this blog by Dr Beth Dawson who is a body language and communication expert. Beth also mentions curiosity and also leaving doors open for dialogue.

Exam results: More than a grade